I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
