So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
