Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
