Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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