dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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