need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
