this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
