hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
