i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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