And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
