But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
