her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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