The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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