I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
