if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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