I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
