the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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