But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
