you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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