Farmville is her only friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
