i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
