well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize