I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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