Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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