dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
