hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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