He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i now understand why vodka
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
