at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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