Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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