all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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