Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
