Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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