True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
