even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it's like iHOP with fire
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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