shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
