Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
