is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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