Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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