So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
