I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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