So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
