Someone shit on the floor
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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