lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
