Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
