His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
