I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
