he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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