my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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