??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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