I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
