I CAN MOONWALK!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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