hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just blew my weed a kiss
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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