If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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