dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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