i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
