I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
