She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
