You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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