I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
