dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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