Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
