So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
